In two days, I’ll be riding the 104 mile route in El Tour de Tucson. Months before a big event, when dreams are high, and ambition is huge, I sign up for epic events. As the event draws near, especially within a day or so of the event, I wrongly allow my mind to wander to thoughts of how difficult the event is going to be, and doubt my ability to complete it. I think I wrote a ‘lesson learned’ that the anxiety of the anticipation of doing something exceeds the anxiety when actually doing it. So, I continue to remind myself of that.

I think about the dumbest things, like will I get a good nights sleep in a hotel room, or am I going to feel sluggish when I wake up on Saturday morning. Will it rain, will it be cold, will parking be a pain? Dumb anxiety after dumb anxiety. This is what I know. I know it will hurt at some point to be on a bike for 104 miles. It will hurt when I’m finished. It won’t be the first thing I’ve done that I know will hurt. I accept that. I accept that, for another event, I’m going to make a strong effort at pushing myself to do something hard.

I wonder how top level athletes feel when it gets close to a big race. They have the added anxiety (motivation?) of actually trying to win. For me, finishing is my win. And I’ll take more rest stops and breaks and eat and look around to enjoy the scenery, the atmosphere of the ride, and the next post I write will be full of ‘so glad I did that’ language.

In the meantime, I’m looking forward to some time in The Old Pueblo. Viva El Tour!